This is not a drill, and this is not a deal. 2016 is certainly coming to a close people and from swarms of you I am hearing hurrah’s, a good riddance to what has been an undeniably turbulent year. Turbulent it may have been, but ever the optimist, brilliance is something I can also attach with this oddly bizarre year.
I wanted to perhaps write one of those cliche blogs rounding up the year we’ve all experienced, the highs, the lows, those “what the bloody eff” moments. But then I got hungry, and instead I began thinking about sandwiches. Sandwiches have been a hot topic of 2016 in fact, some news out-lets nationwide even branding 2016 the “Year of The Meal Deal”. (A fictional lie).
Albeit, 2016 can make for quite a peculiar sandwich, based upon both personal and topical substances, here it bloody is.
My 2016 sandwich
The foundations of a sandwich. The bread is something that brings all the wonderful and weird together, it holds it all in place, it compliments everything between it and acts as a barrier for anything else stamping on that sandwiches ground. I couldn’t have the bread as anything but a multi-seed loaf from the bakery. Each seed representing one of my lovely friends. Its not often friends have been associated with seeded bread but right here it has happened. Always keeping things in the right place and filling me with such fun and warmth.
To be honest with you, I’ve picked a shit spread. This shit spread is approximately 60p from Lidl. The reason I’ve picked this shit spread is because you know, its not even that shit. The spread has earned its place in the sandwich because this year I have realised what absolute gems Aldi and Lidl are. They genuinely sell butter for about 60p – and that is bloody great. Some people say the best things in life are free, but some of them are 60p.
Lets be honest, the moneymaker right here of the sandwich. It’s pastrami. It’s beef but more lunchy, because if you think about a sandwich, it’s a burger but less dinnery. Now i’ve chosen pastrami because of that peppery little kick. It is fun, it keeps you on your toes and you’re definitely left wanting more. The pastrami represents every inch of fun that has gone on through out the year, because there is a lot of pepper popped on pastrami. Be that the countless evenings out, the amazing places visited or simply those fun ones where you cannot stop creasing up with your friends for no good reason – I’m always wanting more of them, and more pastrami.
** DISCLAIMER: Vegan/Vegetarian option also avaliable – Replace Pastrami with AVOCADO – duhhh. (It’s nice so just do it) **
Just like the spread, the sauce of this 2016 sandwich is also pretty shit. The sauce is mustard, it’s a metaphor for Trump. I don’t like mustard and I don’t like trump. Just like trump, the mustard is ruining this otherwise, perfectly ample sandwich. If we had our way, this mustard could be sacrificed off simply with a knife… however it is seemingly not that easy and we can now only hope that this is only a thin layer of mustard that does not have a greater effect on the remainder of the sandwich.
Never one to go easy on the salad of a sandwich, it is certainly an important aspect which can certainly make or break the sandwich. Often I find a mixture of around 3 items of salad is quite suffice.
– Spinach. A great edition to any sandwich, spinach brings lots of good for your body and can be sourced throughout Europe. However the spinach in the 2016 sandwich is now wrinkly, it’s soggy, it’s BREXIT. Exiting Europe – ruining good sandwiches.
– Tomatoes. Personally, 2016 has been the year of the tomato. For an unforgivable reason I never liked them prior to this year, this has all changed and I am now internally grateful for the small/big/large red balls.
– Red Onion. It’s strong, it stinks and it gives you indigestion. The red onion is this year’s olympics. Strong performances, contenders and highlights. Apparently the olympic village was a little stinky. With regards to indigestion, this is pretty irrelevant but maybe some of the olympians got indigestion and of course this is something we should not disregard as an important factor of 2016.
Something is needed to calm down all this intensity, and when picking a cheese it could certainly go either way. But today it is buffalo mozzarella, it’s soft, it’s fluffy and it is anything but over powering. Buffalo mozzarella is the reality, its the bringing you back to earth cheese, the remembering where you came from. When things get pretty crazy, going back to basics and simply sitting back to relax is invaluable, buffalo mozzarella is invaluable. Always be kind and always be soft for it is something everyone seeks comfort in.
I guess it would look kinda something like this, but less black and white?
May 2017 bring you all continual happiness, excitement, fun and GREAT sandwiches. And remember, always eat your crusts.