There are few and far things between what Brit’s chat about during the summer months, and that is what I wanted to draw upon when writing this blog. What is it that the people in front of me would want to read about? Would it be Wimbledon? Perhaps the weather – I’ve heard we are due a heatwave? Alas, nothing would be more fitting than everyones favourite Island. Not the one where Guinness is drunk, nor the one that is the home to San Antonio Bay. Of course; Love Island.
An unpromising paradigm of what it is like to find that holiday romance we have always hoped and dreamed off, the itv2 hit show leaves us glued to our sofa’s; be that by our thigh sweat sticking us to our leather suites or the gripping prospect of a re-coupling.
Essentially, there is so much wrong with this holiday. Not only do the islanders not get the unlimited alcohol usually offered on an all inclusive trip, they even have to share bedrooms – either that was in the small print or this unruly bunch genuinely do not give a toss.
As much as we try to hate it, one simply cannot. It is not every day that we are blessed with individuals who share such similarities with threatened species such as Polar Bears. Of course you are like a polar bear Chris, because we f***ing love polar bears.
On most package holidays, promises of on-site entertainment ran by an animation team are often the case. However, love island producers sourced this through their guests on the island in order to incur no extra costs. Never before have we seen big names such as Marcel from Blazin Squad reach the screens. Coming into the island, Marc made sure everyone was aware that he meant business and was the token entertainer. However, as time passed and his time became elsewhere occupied, emerging artist Kem came through with help from the nations favourite polar bear, Chris. You cannot knock the lads for trying, and the fresh talent makes a change from the usual renditions of Mamma Mia that we usually hear on these package holidays.
Islanders are perhaps in for a surprise that their package holiday does not include airport transfers, is it cruel to sit behind your TV screen and laugh at them lugging those suitcases along the rubble upon being booted of the island?
The great thing about holidays is you really do meet a great mixture of people, and the same certainly applies for the villa. You do wonder though whether certain holidayers actually done the research about where it is they were taking a trip to, we’ve all been there before, ended up somewhere we were a little unsure about, or left the booking to the other half who royally cocked it up. But Camilla hun, come on now? I’m not sure what you were after but something is telling me it wasn’t spitting smoothie into your partners mouth, dancing around a pole for no good reason or quite frankly, making an advancements with the opposite sex. God love her but perhaps contacting travel insurance or asking for a refund will be Cam’s best bet upon leaving the island.
Usually, we wish bon voyage to our holidays and return feeling healthy, sun kissed and happy. I’m not sure what they put in the water in the villa, yet everyone who leaves appears to be imminently using teeth whitener and charcoal face masks? Weird? If anyones going to flog you that s**t it would be a couple of Joe Public’s, because after all, they could sell ice to an eskimo right?
The worst thing about holidays is coming home. The gutting feeling as the days, then hours, then minutes count down and before you know it you are on that aeroplane home. A recent stat shows that 78% of brits are dreading the end of love island more than coming home from their own holidays* (God forbid these were booked during the fragment of summer that the show is televised). Islanders, we salute you. You have shown us just what it takes to endure that long, hot, summer.
*Unofficial statistic that I just made up.